I worked for our local school district last year. I am the president-elect of our PTA and chair or co-chair of four other PTA areas as well as serve as room representative. I am that parent who tries to help and make their children’s schools the best they can be. It’s getting harder and harder for me to do this though. To say that my time and devotion to this is worth it when my 11-year-old son who is on the Autism Spectrum cries or goes into a meltdown every morning before school or shuts himself away in his bedroom as soon as he gets home from school and has tears in his yet again. So now I’m facing the crossroads of an Autism Spectrum parent. 

What are the crossroads you ask? Well, I’m sure it’s different for every Autistic family but for me it’s that I can’t support a school district anymore that does not meet my child’s needs. That his left him to flounder and suffer on a daily basis. A school that reports of bullying are said they are being managed but aren’t. So how did our family reach this point and what should we do now?

Our history…

Luke was diagnosed at the age of four with Autism and severe ADHD. It took us forever to get a diagnosis because his doctor at the time kept ignoring me saying something was not right. She would just say, “He is a typical, hyper, little boy.” and I’d reply back with he has three older brothers and I know what typical is and this isn’t it. He was to hyper (He could stay up for days with no sleep.) and basic things seemed to be very hard for him to master. He could work in a CAD like program to develop model train plans but we could get no where with potty training. He is a sweet boy who gets frustrated easily with himself if he can’t do something in the way he perceives to be perfect. Nothing happened though until I took him for a visit again to the doctor after he had been up for days, was bouncing off the walls and in a full meltdown. Then she finally referred us for testing and we got our diagnosis, changed pediatricians and contacted the local school district about what we should do.

The good…

The school district did some additional minor testing and monitoring and promptly referred him out of district to a school that would be better for him. I was leery at first and was afraid this was not a good idea. He flourished though. He loved it there and had great staff that you could tell truly loved him and since he was with other kids who didn’t fit the world’s idea of normal he made friends. He even grew so much that he was sent to a satellite classroom at a school district in another town where he stayed for a few years. He enjoyed that school experience too but in third grade his special school district said they thought it was time for him to go back to our school district. There was testing and many meetings to get everything worked out and to make the transition easier because he had only ever been in tiny classes he would start in summer school. We all figured the smaller class size and the shorter day would be a good fit. 

He did great in summer school! Made a friend or two and transitioned exceptionally well into fourth grade. His teacher that year was great and he had an aide with him all day who was just amazing! I would pull up to the school and hand Luke off to him and he’d be waiting at the end of the day to give Luke back to me and give me a full report on the day. As problems arose we would work as a team to tweak things and keep everyone involved and on the same page. He was working at a kindergarten and early first grade level when he went there but he was an avid learner. His reading specialist still says she has never had a child who loved to read so much. He had friends and was happy and developing by leaps and bounds. By the end of that year he was at a second and third grade level for most things. He did so well he was given a presidential award that year. Then came his IEP meeting for fifth grade. 

Our district is broken up into learning centers. There are four schools. One is pre-k through second grade, one is third & fourth grades, one is fifth & sixth grades and then the last is of course for, seventh & eighth grades. This meant that a child that does not like change was going to be moved and transitioned yet again. His IEP meeting was very much a wreck. They had no definitive staff or placement setup for him at the new school and so I was left with very little information about what exactly was going to happen. 

The bad…

Fifth grade rolled around and I started seeing red flags left and right but tried to stay positive. Luke’s teachers did not contact me at all prior to school starting to go over anything… oookay I thought. When I did try to speak to his homeroom teacher she was very curt with me at the meet and greet.  I emailed her with a list of things that I needed to know about if they were or were not in place. They worked on the list (This wouldn’t have been a rush if anybody who was going to have him would have been at his IEP meeting.) and got stuff in place. I assumed that he would have his own aide as he had before because all of this was still new and he did need the help. I later learned he just had an aide here and there at different points of the day. The case manager he has tends to make questions, requests or problems I bring up into a pissing contest with me and not a true effort to help this child in her care. He’s in sixth grade now and still has her. They completely stopped all of his occupational therapy and have moved him to general education classes. His only positives he ever talks about is one of his teachers and she also happens to be one of his Special Olympics coaches and that is something he really enjoys. 

And the ugly…

Since last year he has faced bullying repeatedly. From lunch items being taken and tossed back and forth and then crushed and smashed. To kids telling him every day (literally) that he is dumb and stupid and that everyone hates him and that’s why he has no friends. To threats of actual physical violence against him from classmates. I of course contact the school about all of this and I’m told it is being addressed and yet he still has to sit with his bullies in class and at lunch each and every day. I have been at the school during lunch recess and have witnessed my child being the only kid with nobody to play with, that everyone ignores and it breaks my heart for him because I know he wants friends but doesn’t know how to make the kids like him. 

What to do?

So now I’ve reached the point where I am just tired of the fighting with the school to get them to do what’s right and what they should do. I am tired of seeing my child hurt every single day. I want to fix this for him but at this point the only way I think I can fix this for him is to pull him from school and homeschool him. He used to love school. I want that for him again. I don’t want his school life to be nothing but bad memories and feelings.

I worry though, can I do this? I am not the most organized person to begin with and I worry that maybe he will need more than I am able to do as far as education. Then I think maybe this will be better. Maybe this way he gets the one on one he needs but has been lacking? Maybe this way he gets to go out into the world and try more daily social situations? Have any of you faced this and made the switch or found a way to get the school to really listen and meet your child’s needs?

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